Growing Pains

Over the last two and a half years, Dustin and I have been trying to start a family. We don’t usually go into so much detail about our personal life, however we have learned through this process that the support we have received from our close friends and family has brought us so much strength and peace through this process. We hope that if any of you are going or may find yourself in this position, that maybe we can help to give you strength and hope as well.

After almost a year of trying to start our family, we knew that we needed some help because apparently things hadn’t worked for us. After a few doctor’s visits, many tests and 5 rounds of insemination, we still could not get pregnant. Since there seemed to be nothing wrong with either of us, we knew it was time to get more aggressive and we decided to try In Vitro Fertilization.

We had decided that if we found ourselves in a place where IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) was the next option, we both wanted to do it up at the University of Utah. We had heard great things, not to mention the fact that they had a lot of experience. We found ourselves there in October of last year. We set up a consultation with one of the doctors there and on 12/23/07 the shots began. For any of you that have gone through IVF or had friends that have gone through IVF, it can be an emotional process. There are lots of shots and ultra sounds involved. I thought that giving myself shots would be horrible, but that truly wasn’t bad at all. What was hard was the emotional toll that we had to go through. They were able to retrieve 11 eggs on January 18th of this year and they transferred 2 embryos on January 23rd. I went in for a blood test to determine if I was pregnant on February 6th. When I was called from the U a few hours later, they told me that although my body was in a “pregnant” state, my levels should have been much higher and my chances of pregnancy were (I’ll paraphrase) slim to none.

I had told Dustin that my pregnancy test was the following day; because I was convinced I was pregnant and was hoping to surprise him. Unfortunately, I had to call him and let him know that things didn’t work out. I tried to finish out work, but it was just too hard and Dustin begged me to meet him at home. I will never forget walking in the door and seeing Dustin there. I don’t know if I have ever cried that hard in my life. He hugged me and I virtually went limp in his arms sobbing. Even Quique tried jumping up from behind me with her front legs on my shoulders, trying to hug me.

Two days later we went in for another blood test to ensure that my levels were decreasing. To our complete surprise, our levels had actually tripled and they informed me I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe my ears. Before I knew it I was driving like a mad woman to Dustin’s office to give him the news in person. I remember that day so vividly. It was like all of my dreams had come true!

Our baby planning had begun and 19 days later (it seemed so much longer than that) we went in for our first ultrasound. I remember when the ultrasound started and I immediately knew something was wrong when he couldn’t seem to find the baby. I was devastated. Dustin and I both cried. Dustin was asking the doctor why and trying to get answers, but there really were no answers to give. Sometimes the embryo doesn’t develop correctly and a baby doesn’t grow.

2 long months later we tried In Vitro again. Since this time we had frozen embryos, although the process was as long, it wasn’t as invasive. Once again we were so hopeful going through the process. I had finally gotten pregnant so my body could easily do this again. We did a big fast where we asked friends and family to pray and fast with us. We knew this was finally our chance. Yet once again, things didn’t go as we had hoped and through a pregnancy test, on the morning of June 14th I found out that I wasn’t pregnant yet again.

Dustin and I have looked at our life and we are truly so blessed in so many ways and we are so grateful for all the wonderful things that we have been able to do, places we have been able to see and blessings that have been bestowed upon us. But at the same time, we feel an emptiness, a longing to add to our family and bring us a joy that we have not yet had the opportunity to experience. My heart goes out to any of those people who have had to go through this difficult process. It is such an emotional roller coaster that can cause so much pain and heartache. But Dustin and I have decided to try and rise above that pain and look at the other options that we have and we have thus decided to try to adopt.

We don’t know a lot about adoption, but we have heard some truly amazing stories from friends and friends of family that have been able to participate in this beautiful process. I don’t think that there is anything more Christ-like in this world than for a woman to give a piece of herself to someone else and for those people to have prayers answered and to try and give this baby a life that possibly couldn’t have been given to him or her otherwise. The stories we have heard have been absolutely amazing and it seems as though God truly had a hand in the matching of these lives.

One thing that Dustin and I have learned is that adoption occasionally happens from friends of friends or family members. We are asking each of you that if you know of anybody that is looking for a family to adopt their child that they look over our profile to see if we would be the right fit. While we are getting our paperwork filed with an adoption agency or two, we have posted a profile at http://www.tatefamilyprofile.blogspot.com/ for any birthmothers who would like to get a glimpse into our lives. Most importantly, we ask you to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we seek to add a child into our family.Growing Pains