Growing Pains

Over the last two and a half years, Dustin and I have been trying to start a family. We don’t usually go into so much detail about our personal life, however we have learned through this process that the support we have received from our close friends and family has brought us so much strength and peace through this process. We hope that if any of you are going or may find yourself in this position, that maybe we can help to give you strength and hope as well.

After almost a year of trying to start our family, we knew that we needed some help because apparently things hadn’t worked for us. After a few doctor’s visits, many tests and 5 rounds of insemination, we still could not get pregnant. Since there seemed to be nothing wrong with either of us, we knew it was time to get more aggressive and we decided to try In Vitro Fertilization.

We had decided that if we found ourselves in a place where IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) was the next option, we both wanted to do it up at the University of Utah. We had heard great things, not to mention the fact that they had a lot of experience. We found ourselves there in October of last year. We set up a consultation with one of the doctors there and on 12/23/07 the shots began. For any of you that have gone through IVF or had friends that have gone through IVF, it can be an emotional process. There are lots of shots and ultra sounds involved. I thought that giving myself shots would be horrible, but that truly wasn’t bad at all. What was hard was the emotional toll that we had to go through. They were able to retrieve 11 eggs on January 18th of this year and they transferred 2 embryos on January 23rd. I went in for a blood test to determine if I was pregnant on February 6th. When I was called from the U a few hours later, they told me that although my body was in a “pregnant” state, my levels should have been much higher and my chances of pregnancy were (I’ll paraphrase) slim to none.

I had told Dustin that my pregnancy test was the following day; because I was convinced I was pregnant and was hoping to surprise him. Unfortunately, I had to call him and let him know that things didn’t work out. I tried to finish out work, but it was just too hard and Dustin begged me to meet him at home. I will never forget walking in the door and seeing Dustin there. I don’t know if I have ever cried that hard in my life. He hugged me and I virtually went limp in his arms sobbing. Even Quique tried jumping up from behind me with her front legs on my shoulders, trying to hug me.

Two days later we went in for another blood test to ensure that my levels were decreasing. To our complete surprise, our levels had actually tripled and they informed me I was pregnant. I couldn’t believe my ears. Before I knew it I was driving like a mad woman to Dustin’s office to give him the news in person. I remember that day so vividly. It was like all of my dreams had come true!

Our baby planning had begun and 19 days later (it seemed so much longer than that) we went in for our first ultrasound. I remember when the ultrasound started and I immediately knew something was wrong when he couldn’t seem to find the baby. I was devastated. Dustin and I both cried. Dustin was asking the doctor why and trying to get answers, but there really were no answers to give. Sometimes the embryo doesn’t develop correctly and a baby doesn’t grow.

2 long months later we tried In Vitro again. Since this time we had frozen embryos, although the process was as long, it wasn’t as invasive. Once again we were so hopeful going through the process. I had finally gotten pregnant so my body could easily do this again. We did a big fast where we asked friends and family to pray and fast with us. We knew this was finally our chance. Yet once again, things didn’t go as we had hoped and through a pregnancy test, on the morning of June 14th I found out that I wasn’t pregnant yet again.

Dustin and I have looked at our life and we are truly so blessed in so many ways and we are so grateful for all the wonderful things that we have been able to do, places we have been able to see and blessings that have been bestowed upon us. But at the same time, we feel an emptiness, a longing to add to our family and bring us a joy that we have not yet had the opportunity to experience. My heart goes out to any of those people who have had to go through this difficult process. It is such an emotional roller coaster that can cause so much pain and heartache. But Dustin and I have decided to try and rise above that pain and look at the other options that we have and we have thus decided to try to adopt.

We don’t know a lot about adoption, but we have heard some truly amazing stories from friends and friends of family that have been able to participate in this beautiful process. I don’t think that there is anything more Christ-like in this world than for a woman to give a piece of herself to someone else and for those people to have prayers answered and to try and give this baby a life that possibly couldn’t have been given to him or her otherwise. The stories we have heard have been absolutely amazing and it seems as though God truly had a hand in the matching of these lives.

One thing that Dustin and I have learned is that adoption occasionally happens from friends of friends or family members. We are asking each of you that if you know of anybody that is looking for a family to adopt their child that they look over our profile to see if we would be the right fit. While we are getting our paperwork filed with an adoption agency or two, we have posted a profile at http://www.tatefamilyprofile.blogspot.com/ for any birthmothers who would like to get a glimpse into our lives. Most importantly, we ask you to keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we seek to add a child into our family.Growing Pains

Pioneer Trek

Last Thursday through Saturday, Dustin and I had the privilege to participate in one of the LDS Traditions - Pioneer Trek. There were about 150 kids between the ages of 14 and 18 and each were put in a family of about 7 kids with a Ma and a Pa. Dustin and I were the Pa and the Ma. For those of you not familiar with the tradition, it's an opportunity to understand a little bit more of what the pioneers endured when travelling from the Midwest via handcart into the Utah Valley to settle. I'll be honest, Dustin and I weren't particularly excited about this after all that we had been going through these past few months, but knew that it would be an excellent opportunity. Although I was pretty scared of the rattlesnakes since I heard that there were plenty to be seen and heard.

We travelled to Martin's Cove in Wyoming. (6 hour bus ride each way... ouch). This was a place where members of the Martin and Willie Handcart Company tried to find refuge from the cold and stormy winter storms that had hit. This particular group had more deaths than any other group that travelled from the Midwest. We hiked about 14 miles over the span of three days as we pushed handcarts, which was a lot easier than the pioneers had to endure. We had great food and heard some really courageous and inspirational stories of some of those who made the trek across the plains and through the mountains.

Dustin and I had 7 kids. We had a "wayward" son who just preferred to be with his friends and a daughter who decided to ditch us a few times, but all in all it was a wonderful experience.

One of the highlights was the Woman's Pull. The guys and girls were split up as if the men were going off to war. The men then had to stand at the top of a very steep hill and remain silent as each family of women pushed their handcart up a very steep hill, steeper than any other hill we had faced. The sand was deep at the bottom and then rocky at the top. The men had to stand and watch in silence as they watched 3, 4 or 5 women in each of their families push the handcart up the hill. Some women stumbled along the way and it was hard to watch at times. As you saw the men standing there, some got emotional as they watched these women struggle and felt helpless since all they could do was watch. It was a very powerful moment and one that I will never forget. My legs and lungs were burning, but I knew I couldn't let my family down and I had to keep on pushing.

We had many wonderful and special experiences over the three days and the kids really seemed to have a great time. I am so grateful that I was able to have this experience and feel a little closer to my ancestors. I had family on my mom's side of the family (and Dustin had family members as well) that were pioneers and crossed the plains into Utah. After hearing so many stories, I am truly in awe at what my ancestors endured and the faith that they had to press on. They lost loved ones along the way, but they knew they had a greater purpose. I feel so blessed to have such strength and faith in my family and in my genes and I am so grateful for the sacrifices that they made so that I can have the life that I live today.

The Cove Crew - aka our Family

"Ma" and "Pa" Tate @ the site of Martin's Cove

The Woman's Pull with my "daughters" Maddy and Ashlee

My Sister's Keeper

Has anyone read My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult? It's a story about a 13 year old girl named Anna who has pretty much been a blood, cell, bone marrow, etc. donor for her older sister since the time she was born. In fact, she was conceived in a way to be a perfect match for her sister and since birth, she has been a donor for her sister. It's a story about choices, a story about love, a story about family, a story about courage and a story about sacrifice. The author does an excellent job of allowing you to see into the lives of each of these 7 characters by having 6 of them narrarate each of the chapters. It gives you an opportunity to see deep into their heart and how certain experiences have left such a deep impact in their lives and molded who they are at the time of this book.

I can honestly say that this is one of the deepest, pull at your hearstrings, constantly keeps you thinking book that I have read in a long time. Before even beginning the book, I thought how could parents allow this, how could you allow the quality of life for one daughter to diminish to save another daughter? But as I read through this story there were times when I was so critical and so mad and yet in the next chapter, I would be sympathizing and almost empathizing with with the same character. It is almost like an emotional roller coaster because you're mad, you're sad, you're touched, you may crack a smile and then you are moved in ways that you never thought possible. There are twists and turns that keep you going until the very end of the book. Just when you think you've got it figured out, something else gets thrown at you.

This would be a perfect book for a book club, because all I want to do right now is talk about it with someone. I also think that since I am not yet a mother, there would probably be a change in my views or outlook, if I was in fact a mother. I would love to read this book again when I was mother and could offer that true perspective.

I just found out that they are making this book into a movie which I think could be quite moving, if done right. Although I can honestly say that a movie never seems to live up to how great the book is, but if you're looking for something to read and you're up to be hit a little deeper than your last book, I highly recommend My Sister's Keeper.

Summer time

Jamie and I decided that a week was long enough for a post discussing the not-so-fun stuff. But we also wanted to provide a quick update regarding any news since the seizure.

This last week we went to a few more doctors appointments and we have another one tomorrow. But, the neurologist said it best: "We have no idea why you had the seizure and we'll probably never know." It was pretty much that vague. He said that he could give her medication, but didn't need to, and that it was up to us. While not knowing anything new can be frustrating, he told us that he feels optimistic. About 50% of adults who have seizures never have a second one. I'm hoping that's the cases with us. That was one of the scariest things I've ever been through.

The bad news is, though, is that Jamie definitely won't be able to drive (legally) for the next three months. We practiced me playing the chauffer thing this past week - and it's not much fun for either of us. We're already looking into the public transportation plans.

But there are some things to look forward to over the next three months. It's so green right now, and the weather was perfect this past weekend. I'm training for my first triathlon, and I've been trying to get ready for it. My swimming still sucks (I haven't had any success at getting Jamie to come train me), but I've been able to get back on the road bike - which is my new favorite past-time. And while I stink at running - I've gotten some good help from Quique, my dog. I can't come home without her begging me to take her on a run - so that's helped me stay on my training.

Embarrassingly, Jamie and I are kind of like the people on the movie "Best in Show" (If you're ever buying a shampoo sink go right to the Dutch. The French know nothing about shampooing). We may not quite as obsessed - but we're definitely guilty of humanizing her more than most dog-owners. But she's our kid, for the time being, and she's a great companion for us. One of Quique's favorite things to do (besides running and eating) is playing in the water.

I can't explain how crazy she is about the water without showing you, so I've uploaded a couple of clips to show her in the backyard. The first is with the gardening hose - and it's a sample of what it's like every time we water back there. The next one is with the sprinklers - showing why we only have the sprinklers come on at 3 am.