Christmas

Christmas just gets better every year! And this year although it seemed like I was so ready for it to come, then it all of a sudden came and went so fast. But with Taylor I really did enjoy it so much. It was even better than last year and I am sure next year will be even better!

This year she had an obsession with Santa. Or as she liked to call him, "anta". She still didn't get the whole idea that he brought her gifts or anything like that, but pointed him out everywhere that we went, she even associated him with things. Frighteningly enough, when we would sometime have our little discussions about Jesus, she would sometimes call him Anta, even though she knew full well He was Jesus. Pure obsession! Except that is, when it came to sitting on his lap, then it was a full blown meltdown like when Santa came to Grandma TT and Papa's house...


For Christmas Eve, my Aunt Paula (my mom's sister), my cousin Matt, his wife Jen and their kids Emery and Isaac come over for our Christmas Eve feast. I look forward to this every year! Most importantly because my mom and sister are actually here to celebrate a holiday with me which is the very best and also because I actually get to play hostess for a night which although I need a lot of work at, is a lot of fun! Unfortunately my sister didn't come out this year which was sad for me and for my mom. It wasn't the same without her.

Our Christmas Eve feast for the most part, however, is virtually the same from year to year. It has been since from before I can remember when I would spend the holiday coming out here to visit my mom's family with my Grandparents who have now passed on and all of my aunts and uncles. We start with a salad, this year we did a Caesar with my mom's yummy homemade dressing (although the salad changes from year to year), Prime Rib cooked medium rare, except for Jen, (although hers is getting a little more rare each year, probably because we give her so much crap), Twice Baked Potatoes, Asparagus with Hollandaise Sauce and then the dessert varies from year to year. This year was my friend Amy's yummy chocolate cake. Jen did all of the appetizers and brought the rolls which were excellent. And after a day of cooking with my mom, I am one happy and fulfilled girl! It's one of my very favorite holiday traditions! Even Dustin has grown to love it as well.

After dinner, Paula read a book to the kids and Dustin read the birth of the Savior from the bible. Then it was time for presents. Jen supplies the pj's for the kids. Yes, Taylor has wet hair because she had to take a bath after smearing butter in her hair during dinner... that girl sometimes!

Christmas morning Dustin was so excited he barely waited for my mom to get upstairs. I virtually had to yell at him to stop in his tracks! It's not like Taylor knew what was going on outside of her room and in the mornings she can play in her room for hours! We had one of Santa's present set out on the coffee table and a couple more wrapped on the sofa with her stocking. The rest of the presents were under the tree. I must say that I have not done very well thus far with presents for Taylor. You would think since I spend all day with her I would know what she wants, but Santa on the other hand this year struck GOLD! Once she saw her Disney Princess Castle, she didn't look at anything else... litterally!

We had to open the rest of her presents and show them to her. Since then, she has loved all of her presents and we realized that we did pretty good this year. The grandparents did pretty darn good too! Later that day we went to Grandma TT and Papa's house. They got the kids a playhouse for their house. Taylor played in the playhouse the whole time we were there! She didn't care about opening any other presents at their house either.

When we came home, she went back to playing with the castle. PJ's went on and she was all about her castle and the Dora microphone. Although I think Daddy had just about as much fun singing and playing with the microphone that night as she did with the two of them going back and forth... it was priceless! It went something like "I did it" "Tay Tay did it" "Daddy did it" singing to the tune of Dora. Let alone the millions of other things they were singing.

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I didn't get any pics of our New Year's festivities, unfortunately. Those were spent at Dustin's parent's house eating lots of food and playing on the Wii doing some Dance game and singing Karaoke, laughing my butt off. Nothing like making a fool of yourself in front of family. But the kids LOVED it! Taylor was shaking her little rump like nothing else and loving every second of it. 2010 was such a great year, I can't even imagine 2011 being any better!

Disneyland

Well I'm officially a month behind. Usually that doesn't matter too much, but Tay is growing up so fast and we really did have a jam-packed month with my dad in town, Disneyland, Christmas, New Years, and now Taylor in a big girl bed. I am a horrible blogger and journal writer so we'll see how my memory serves me. Since I finally am getting back to a normal schedule this week, I'm going to try and catch up the blog. I guess we'll wait and see how I do...

Disneyland was magical. What else can I say? Taylor is only two, but it was an amazing experience seeing it through her eyes. The last few times I had been were with my mom and sister a couple years ago and then with swim team trips in high school so seeing everything through the eyes of a 2 year old was special beyond words. Plus, we flew my mom down for a Birthday/Christmas present. She and Dustin share a birthday so they both spent their birthday at Disneyland which was fun too!


Taylor of course loves the princesses! We thought she was going to be able to take a pic with Ariel, but of course they changed up princesses by the time we got to the front of the line and Ariel had left, but surprisingly, she went right up to Aurora and sat up on her lap which was an absolute miracle! I was shocked! When we got to Belle who is her 2nd favorite, she got scared and I had to stand with her. That girl is so unpredictable!!!

But later in the day when we ran into Snow White, her obsession was no longer with the princesses, but with "da vitch" as she would call her. She couldn't keep her eyes off her and kept wanting to look at my mom's phone so she could see the picture of the witch. After Disneyland, when people would ask her about Disneyland and if she saw the princesses, she would just say "and da vitch". We also went on the Nemo submarine ride which she LOVED! But again, when I would prompt her to talk about Disneyland and ask her to tell people if she saw Nemo, she would say "and the sharks". Apparently, my daughter has a dark side to her...

She was excited about seeing "da Mow" aka Mickey Mouse, however when it was time to take a picture with him (yes that is my pooch - bad shirt choice, however it has now substantially grown in size) all she wanted to do was stare at Mickey Mouse and touch his ears which made taking the pic with him extremely difficult; oh well! It's all about her enjoyment, right? And she loved looking at him!

I think Taylor really enjoyed being able to be held and just be around her dad for like 3 days straight, so when it came to going on the rides, she really only wanted to go with her daddy. Grandma and I were chopped liver. But, it was okay, we still got to have some special moments with her.

I swear Taylor got more scared on the Fantasyland rides than Pirates, Haunted Mansion or any of the others. We knew when she was scared because she'd get off the ride and say "it's okay, it's okay" or "I'm okay, I'm okay". But she loved the Haunted Mansion. I guess it's not as scary decked out as the Nightmare Before Christmas and it was so cool. Also, Taylor is obsessed with pumpkins so she really loved it!

She also loved the It's a Bug's Life movie at California Adventure. Probably good she wouldn't wear the 3D glasses but she loved seeing all of the bugs and all of the extra 3D hoopla that went along with it.

OBSESSED I tell ya! She couldn't stop touching the witch, nor talking about it!

Some other highlights:

• Taylor also loved It's a Small World which is amazing at Christmastime. She called all of the dolls in the ride babies. And when we got to the Hawaii section and there were the "babies" hula dancing she said "Shake It" (one of her favorite Backyardigans songs) and started dancing like the hula dancers. It was so precious.
• A few weeks after Disneyland we were singing Jingle Bells and she kept saying "the babies". I couldn't understand what she was talking about. Then Dustin remembered that they were playing that song during the ride. What a good memory she has!
• She went nuts at the World of Color show at California Adventure when she saw Ariel projected on the water and then the fish. It's not hard to tell what her favorites are. She certainly makes it known.
• When we walked by the tea cup ride she said "Look" and then told us that they were taking baths. Maybe that was more funny for me or a 'you had to be there' moment.
• At the hotel in the mornings she would run around and the last morning before we left she was running around with these two sisters (one slightly older and one a little younger than her) that would just follow her around and do what she was doing, especially the younger one. It got me so excited to think she was having a little sister.
• FAVORITE MEMORY - She LOVED the parade. The parade was awesome and for 30 minutes or however long it was, she barely moved a muscle and just watched it. Occasionally she would say look, but mainly just stared in awe. At one point, Chip and Dale (the squirrels) came out driving a car, the car broke down and they got out of the car. During this parade there is no interaction with the audience except for waving. Taylor was standing in between us in awe. Chip or Dale (one of them) came over to Taylor, right up to her in the middle of the parade, stopped, touched her face went back to his car, grabbed one of his big acorns brought it back over to her. She just stared at him and touched the acorn and he just touched her face and stood there for at least a minute or two. It was one of the sweetest things in the world. Straight out of a Disneyland commercial. I was so frozen I couldn't even grab the camera in my lap, I think I had tears welling up in my eyes. It was one of the cutest things in the world that my description can't even begin to do the moment justice. It was like the parade went silent and all eyes were on Taylor and the squirrel, whichever one it was. I don't think I'll ever forget that Disneyland moment.

All in all; amazing trip. I'm sure Taylor will forget most of it. But for now, coming from a girl whose answer is "no" to everything, when you ask her if she had fun at Disneyland, her answer is "yes". I also think it goes down as one of Dustin and my mom's best birthdays' ever. Mission accomplished!

It's A...

When you are trying to get pregnant for a long time and you keep thinking, 'this is the month', you start thinking, maybe dreaming is the more proper terminology of how you're going to tell your husband; at least I did. There were so many months that I was so convinced that I was pregnant. If my chest felt slightly more tender or I had headaches; honestly you grasp onto ANYTHING! Anyway, my point being that I had dreamt so many scenarios as to how I would tell Dustin that I was pregnant and of course, I never got to use any of them. In fact, I was so convinced that I was pregnant with IVF the first time that I lied to him about when my blood test was so that I could surprise him. Of course that completely backfired when I had to call him on the phone at work sobbing because they had told me I pretty much wasn't pregnant, (when in fact I was pregnant 2 days later). My point being I wanted to do something a little more special when finding out the sex of our baby. I am not one that can wait until the birth of the baby. I would never want one thing different in terms of Taylor, but all of that was more than enough to handle the first time around, that I don't need any surprises or lack of preparation the second time around. She was enough to last me a lifetime and beyond!

So... Liz gave me an awesome idea! Dustin and I had an ultrasound appointment on the 30th. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby at the appointment. Instead we asked them not to tell us and to just write it down and put it in a sealed envelope. And actually, the thing we cared about the most at the appointment was that everything was okay, especially after the fact that my sister in law, Brooke found out that she had lost her baby at the appointment just 6 months or so before, so they made sure to show us the heartbeat first which put me at ease. And everything else seems to be looking good so far, so honestly, that was most important. Anyway, I took the envelope to a store. I picked out a girl outfit and a boy outfit. AKA a pink University of Utah onsie and a red one. I went up to the cashier and gave them the envelope and asked them to open the envelope and ring up the correct outfit. The man was almost confused and then was almost nervous that I wanted him to be the first one to look at the envelope. He packaged up the onsie with the envelope and when I came to sign the receipt I just asked him to cover up the price because there was a $1 differential and his reply was "I'm already one step ahead of you, just in case you were a math whiz". And there you had it. My plan was to do this for a romantic dinner for Dustin's birthday, but between my dad being in town and Dustin out of town for work and then a trip we had to Disneyland, the only time we had was our night in Vegas on the way to Disneyland so it was a family affair. Taylor of course is not good at restaurants, which totally stresses me out, but it still made for a wonderful evening.

So I let the birthday boy open the present and tada...

We're having a GIRL!!!! The funny part is that although I was totally happy with whatever we were going to have, I guess I kind of thought that we were having a boy, because I was kind of more surprised than I thought I'd be. But now that it has had time to sink in (even though I am still in complete denial that I am pregnant although halfway through this pregnancy) a girl couldn't be more perfect! My sister and I are 3 years apart and these girls will be 2 years and 8 months apart. I can honestly say that I didn't always treat my sister as well as I should have growing up, but that I wouldn't trade having my sister for anything in the whole world. I think that God knows exactly what sibling we need and I needed a sister. There is something so special about a sister bond. I wouldn't trade my girlfriends for anything, but there is still something special about a sister that is even different and I am so grateful that Taylor will have the opportunity to experience that. I thought when all was said and done that Dustin may have been a little sad and wanted a boy, but he is just as excited if not more about having another girl. With Quique, (the girl lab) he's definitely outnumbered now!

It's True!

Apparently third time's a charm! After a lot of thought, Dustin and I decided that we would try In Vitro just one last time. If we got pregnant great, and if not, then we knew we had tried it for the very last time and we would walk away from trying to get pregnant and be completely content with adopting from here on out. All we had to do was look at Taylor to know that everything would work out just fine. And then, miracle # 2 came our way... I'm pregnant.

But of course, we always like to make things interesting and we never seem to make things easy. Anyone familiar with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) is aware that it is a 2 month or so process. It begins with going on the pill so the doctors are in control of your cycle, to taking shots, to daily ultrasound appointments to monitoring your eggs then there is an egg retrieval followed by an embryo transfer and then two weeks later you find out if all of that time, energy, emotional investment and money paid off.

As many of you may know, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I still have seizures so we changed up my medication a couple months prior. But a week prior to starting the shots portion of IVF, I developed a rash side effect from my seizure meds which forced me off that medication which then delayed my IVF for a month while I changed up my seizure meds. Of course I want to make sure that I'm okay, but just another frustration during the process.

We were finally able to continue and finish the IVF process. It was finally time for the pregnancy test. We had been here before. The first time we did IVF I miscarried (which is the main reason we decided to try one more time). I would go in for a blood test and then wait a few hours to hear the results. When I miscarried my HCG level was really low and then jumped two days later. We figured that if this was the case, we wouldn't get our hopes up on a successful pregnancy. They want your HCG to be above 100 that first day. The first time mine was at 46, however this would still show as positive on a pregnancy test. So we decided to take a pregnancy test to see if the dream was still alive or if all hope was gone. I must say there was shock when I turned to Dustin to show him a positive pregnancy test. But at the same time, we couldn't get too excited because we didn't know how high my levels were, but I had only seen one other positive pregnancy test in my lifetime so I just sat and stared for a few minutes to take in the moment, even if it was going to be short lived.

The nurse called me 4 or 5 hours later to tell me I was pregnant. I think when there wasn't a scream on my end of the phone her immediate response was "you cheated". I said I did (take a home pregnancy test), but the main concern was my hcg levels. When she told my levels were 127 then I gave the scream that she had been awaiting.

2 weeks later was our viability ultrasound. The last time we went through this was when we found out I had miscarried so this was when the nerves set in. When our doctor told us there was a baby and a heartbeat, tears immediately started streaming down my face. I had prepared myself for the worst and couldn't believe this was actually happening. But it didn't take long for things in the room to get serious. My tears of joy soon turned to tears of fear. The doctor informed us that the baby was measuring small and the heartbeat was slow. Dustin goes into Dustin mode and immediately starts asking questions, I just start crying. Ultimately, she told us that there was a 50/50 chance that we would have a baby the next week when we came in for another ultrasound. I continued to cry and I know that she wanted to tell me something different, but she couldn't. The nurse kept telling me that this doesn't mean that things won't work out, but my pessimism had already set in. And then on top of all of this, of course Dustin was going to be out of town that whole next week for work.

Honestly, I thought it was going to be the longest week of my life, waiting to see if our baby would make it or not. It was hard because when we decided to do this round of IVF we decided not to tell anyone except our parents so at this point only our parents, my sister and 2 or 3 friends knew and that was it. I knew that if the baby didn't make it, it would be hard, especially if Dustin and I had to do it while he was far away. But surprisingly enough, the week was not bad, we were both strong, we both felt comforted for whatever was ahead of us. The other thing that helped me was Taylor. I would just look at her and know that whatever was meant to be would be. When I seriously try to even think about how she ended up in our lives I can't even wrap my head around how it happened. All I know is that she was supposed to end up with us and that one way or another that was how it was going to be. So I knew that if this pregnancy didn't work out it was purely because there was another baby out there that we needed to adopt. I can't even begin to explain how much faith I have in the hand of God in our lives, but I knew that at this point it was all in His hands. And knowing that anything can still happen, I still do.

Lucky for us this baby is a fighter and all has worked out so far. Our doctor was so sweet and told us how she had been thinking about us all week which meant a lot because doing IVF up at the U means she has a lot of patients all week long.

So apparently, this little boy or girl must have just implanted a little late or in other words at the last possible second which I guess means that's another miracle in and of itself.

Well that was 2 months ago and since then, things have been good. I have finally started to feel better although I guess I wasn't too sick anyway, but being nauseous all day is still hard for me. But then again... I'm pregnant! How can I complain? I say it out loud, but to be perfectly honest, I still don't really believe it and I think that I'm still waiting for something to go wrong as sad as that is to say out loud. Maybe once my belly is sticking out for the world to see, and I feel somebody moving inside of me, it will all start to feel a little more real. Whatever the case, it is truly a miracle and Dustin and I feel blessed beyond measure! 17 weeks down... 23 weeks to go!

So here are the two embryos that were transferred into my body. Dustin and I assume that the top embryo is what is now the baby growing inside of my body since it is the larger one and was the better of the two embryos. However, we all know what happens when we assume... Not to mention the fact that the embryo did implant a little late, so who really knows. Whatever the case, one of these two embryos is the baby growing inside of me right now. Pretty cool, huh?

Chicago

I think it was probably not long before Taylor was born and the movie "Rudy" came on tv. Of course Dustin and I couldn't help but watch it and by the end I was in virtual convulsions from crying. But I told Dustin that if Utah ever had the opportunity to play Notre Dame that we were going to go watch them play. It was seriously within a week of my declaration when they announced that Utah was playing at Notre Dame in the 2010 season. So it had been decided long ago that we would be going to the game this past weekend. Although I don't know if I consider it a game when we didn't even really show up to play, but that's a whole other story for a whole other blog.

So I'm finally leaving Taylor for the first time since she was 3 months old. At that time I think neither she nor I cared that much when leaving each other, but this time was a little different. My mom and sister flew out so I knew she'd be in good hands and I needed it, but it wasn't until the last week when it dawned on me that I'd be leaving her. Well that all diminished the day before I left when my mom and I got food poisoning. I was so sick I don't even know how I got packed. I was puking 3 hours before getting on a plane, it was awful! I had been looking forward to this weekend away with Dustin for months and I could barely function. Not to mention I was leaving my sick mom with Taylor, but luckily my sister was flying in just a couple of hours after we left.

But despite all of that, it was a great weekend. Notre Dame was amazing. The campus was all it was cracked up to be and so much more. It was beautiful, the traditions were so fun and the fans were so nice! Thanks to Jennifer, I had some insights prior to going so that helped out a lot. Even though our team played horribly, just being there was so worth it. And all of the fans and security were saying how we'd brought more fans than any other away team they'd seen, so at least our fans showed up even if our team didn't.

Warning - Pictures are from Dustin's phone because the camera was one of the many things I neglected to pack....

Pictures can't even describe the beauty.

In front of the stadium

Dustin in front of Touchdown Jesus

Inside the stadium, trying to keep dry at times throughout the game

Dustin with his BFFs John and Mark. Dustin is such a good hubby. Most guys were there with their friends and dads, but poor Dustin had to bring his wife...

ND Band is like 10 times the size of our band and so much cooler... sorry Utes!

We just drove in for the game and stayed in Chicago. Dustin had made reservations at some great restaurants which we didn't even go to. Food was not on my priority list that weekend which is usually at the top of my priority list whenever we go to a new city or on vacation for that matter... oh well! I also packed the bare minimum and it ended up being colder than the weather forecast so I was a little cold, but it was still great. We saw the Lion King on Sunday, which Dustin hadn't seen before. I think it was better than he expected so that was a plus. It's definitely a city I would love to go back to when I'm feeling better, but I still was able to enjoy it and I love love loved it!

And as much as I love Tay and missed her it was just like old times just spending the weekend with my hubby. And when I got home, apparently Taylor didn't miss me. I love that she had fun with her Grandma and Aunt, but I think that there was a part of me that maybe was hoping she missed me just a little bit... oh well!

Yes... I think the paleness was still showing, even on Sunday...