It's True!

Apparently third time's a charm! After a lot of thought, Dustin and I decided that we would try In Vitro just one last time. If we got pregnant great, and if not, then we knew we had tried it for the very last time and we would walk away from trying to get pregnant and be completely content with adopting from here on out. All we had to do was look at Taylor to know that everything would work out just fine. And then, miracle # 2 came our way... I'm pregnant.

But of course, we always like to make things interesting and we never seem to make things easy. Anyone familiar with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) is aware that it is a 2 month or so process. It begins with going on the pill so the doctors are in control of your cycle, to taking shots, to daily ultrasound appointments to monitoring your eggs then there is an egg retrieval followed by an embryo transfer and then two weeks later you find out if all of that time, energy, emotional investment and money paid off.

As many of you may know, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I still have seizures so we changed up my medication a couple months prior. But a week prior to starting the shots portion of IVF, I developed a rash side effect from my seizure meds which forced me off that medication which then delayed my IVF for a month while I changed up my seizure meds. Of course I want to make sure that I'm okay, but just another frustration during the process.

We were finally able to continue and finish the IVF process. It was finally time for the pregnancy test. We had been here before. The first time we did IVF I miscarried (which is the main reason we decided to try one more time). I would go in for a blood test and then wait a few hours to hear the results. When I miscarried my HCG level was really low and then jumped two days later. We figured that if this was the case, we wouldn't get our hopes up on a successful pregnancy. They want your HCG to be above 100 that first day. The first time mine was at 46, however this would still show as positive on a pregnancy test. So we decided to take a pregnancy test to see if the dream was still alive or if all hope was gone. I must say there was shock when I turned to Dustin to show him a positive pregnancy test. But at the same time, we couldn't get too excited because we didn't know how high my levels were, but I had only seen one other positive pregnancy test in my lifetime so I just sat and stared for a few minutes to take in the moment, even if it was going to be short lived.

The nurse called me 4 or 5 hours later to tell me I was pregnant. I think when there wasn't a scream on my end of the phone her immediate response was "you cheated". I said I did (take a home pregnancy test), but the main concern was my hcg levels. When she told my levels were 127 then I gave the scream that she had been awaiting.

2 weeks later was our viability ultrasound. The last time we went through this was when we found out I had miscarried so this was when the nerves set in. When our doctor told us there was a baby and a heartbeat, tears immediately started streaming down my face. I had prepared myself for the worst and couldn't believe this was actually happening. But it didn't take long for things in the room to get serious. My tears of joy soon turned to tears of fear. The doctor informed us that the baby was measuring small and the heartbeat was slow. Dustin goes into Dustin mode and immediately starts asking questions, I just start crying. Ultimately, she told us that there was a 50/50 chance that we would have a baby the next week when we came in for another ultrasound. I continued to cry and I know that she wanted to tell me something different, but she couldn't. The nurse kept telling me that this doesn't mean that things won't work out, but my pessimism had already set in. And then on top of all of this, of course Dustin was going to be out of town that whole next week for work.

Honestly, I thought it was going to be the longest week of my life, waiting to see if our baby would make it or not. It was hard because when we decided to do this round of IVF we decided not to tell anyone except our parents so at this point only our parents, my sister and 2 or 3 friends knew and that was it. I knew that if the baby didn't make it, it would be hard, especially if Dustin and I had to do it while he was far away. But surprisingly enough, the week was not bad, we were both strong, we both felt comforted for whatever was ahead of us. The other thing that helped me was Taylor. I would just look at her and know that whatever was meant to be would be. When I seriously try to even think about how she ended up in our lives I can't even wrap my head around how it happened. All I know is that she was supposed to end up with us and that one way or another that was how it was going to be. So I knew that if this pregnancy didn't work out it was purely because there was another baby out there that we needed to adopt. I can't even begin to explain how much faith I have in the hand of God in our lives, but I knew that at this point it was all in His hands. And knowing that anything can still happen, I still do.

Lucky for us this baby is a fighter and all has worked out so far. Our doctor was so sweet and told us how she had been thinking about us all week which meant a lot because doing IVF up at the U means she has a lot of patients all week long.

So apparently, this little boy or girl must have just implanted a little late or in other words at the last possible second which I guess means that's another miracle in and of itself.

Well that was 2 months ago and since then, things have been good. I have finally started to feel better although I guess I wasn't too sick anyway, but being nauseous all day is still hard for me. But then again... I'm pregnant! How can I complain? I say it out loud, but to be perfectly honest, I still don't really believe it and I think that I'm still waiting for something to go wrong as sad as that is to say out loud. Maybe once my belly is sticking out for the world to see, and I feel somebody moving inside of me, it will all start to feel a little more real. Whatever the case, it is truly a miracle and Dustin and I feel blessed beyond measure! 17 weeks down... 23 weeks to go!

So here are the two embryos that were transferred into my body. Dustin and I assume that the top embryo is what is now the baby growing inside of my body since it is the larger one and was the better of the two embryos. However, we all know what happens when we assume... Not to mention the fact that the embryo did implant a little late, so who really knows. Whatever the case, one of these two embryos is the baby growing inside of me right now. Pretty cool, huh?