It's True!

Apparently third time's a charm! After a lot of thought, Dustin and I decided that we would try In Vitro just one last time. If we got pregnant great, and if not, then we knew we had tried it for the very last time and we would walk away from trying to get pregnant and be completely content with adopting from here on out. All we had to do was look at Taylor to know that everything would work out just fine. And then, miracle # 2 came our way... I'm pregnant.

But of course, we always like to make things interesting and we never seem to make things easy. Anyone familiar with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) is aware that it is a 2 month or so process. It begins with going on the pill so the doctors are in control of your cycle, to taking shots, to daily ultrasound appointments to monitoring your eggs then there is an egg retrieval followed by an embryo transfer and then two weeks later you find out if all of that time, energy, emotional investment and money paid off.

As many of you may know, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. I still have seizures so we changed up my medication a couple months prior. But a week prior to starting the shots portion of IVF, I developed a rash side effect from my seizure meds which forced me off that medication which then delayed my IVF for a month while I changed up my seizure meds. Of course I want to make sure that I'm okay, but just another frustration during the process.

We were finally able to continue and finish the IVF process. It was finally time for the pregnancy test. We had been here before. The first time we did IVF I miscarried (which is the main reason we decided to try one more time). I would go in for a blood test and then wait a few hours to hear the results. When I miscarried my HCG level was really low and then jumped two days later. We figured that if this was the case, we wouldn't get our hopes up on a successful pregnancy. They want your HCG to be above 100 that first day. The first time mine was at 46, however this would still show as positive on a pregnancy test. So we decided to take a pregnancy test to see if the dream was still alive or if all hope was gone. I must say there was shock when I turned to Dustin to show him a positive pregnancy test. But at the same time, we couldn't get too excited because we didn't know how high my levels were, but I had only seen one other positive pregnancy test in my lifetime so I just sat and stared for a few minutes to take in the moment, even if it was going to be short lived.

The nurse called me 4 or 5 hours later to tell me I was pregnant. I think when there wasn't a scream on my end of the phone her immediate response was "you cheated". I said I did (take a home pregnancy test), but the main concern was my hcg levels. When she told my levels were 127 then I gave the scream that she had been awaiting.

2 weeks later was our viability ultrasound. The last time we went through this was when we found out I had miscarried so this was when the nerves set in. When our doctor told us there was a baby and a heartbeat, tears immediately started streaming down my face. I had prepared myself for the worst and couldn't believe this was actually happening. But it didn't take long for things in the room to get serious. My tears of joy soon turned to tears of fear. The doctor informed us that the baby was measuring small and the heartbeat was slow. Dustin goes into Dustin mode and immediately starts asking questions, I just start crying. Ultimately, she told us that there was a 50/50 chance that we would have a baby the next week when we came in for another ultrasound. I continued to cry and I know that she wanted to tell me something different, but she couldn't. The nurse kept telling me that this doesn't mean that things won't work out, but my pessimism had already set in. And then on top of all of this, of course Dustin was going to be out of town that whole next week for work.

Honestly, I thought it was going to be the longest week of my life, waiting to see if our baby would make it or not. It was hard because when we decided to do this round of IVF we decided not to tell anyone except our parents so at this point only our parents, my sister and 2 or 3 friends knew and that was it. I knew that if the baby didn't make it, it would be hard, especially if Dustin and I had to do it while he was far away. But surprisingly enough, the week was not bad, we were both strong, we both felt comforted for whatever was ahead of us. The other thing that helped me was Taylor. I would just look at her and know that whatever was meant to be would be. When I seriously try to even think about how she ended up in our lives I can't even wrap my head around how it happened. All I know is that she was supposed to end up with us and that one way or another that was how it was going to be. So I knew that if this pregnancy didn't work out it was purely because there was another baby out there that we needed to adopt. I can't even begin to explain how much faith I have in the hand of God in our lives, but I knew that at this point it was all in His hands. And knowing that anything can still happen, I still do.

Lucky for us this baby is a fighter and all has worked out so far. Our doctor was so sweet and told us how she had been thinking about us all week which meant a lot because doing IVF up at the U means she has a lot of patients all week long.

So apparently, this little boy or girl must have just implanted a little late or in other words at the last possible second which I guess means that's another miracle in and of itself.

Well that was 2 months ago and since then, things have been good. I have finally started to feel better although I guess I wasn't too sick anyway, but being nauseous all day is still hard for me. But then again... I'm pregnant! How can I complain? I say it out loud, but to be perfectly honest, I still don't really believe it and I think that I'm still waiting for something to go wrong as sad as that is to say out loud. Maybe once my belly is sticking out for the world to see, and I feel somebody moving inside of me, it will all start to feel a little more real. Whatever the case, it is truly a miracle and Dustin and I feel blessed beyond measure! 17 weeks down... 23 weeks to go!

So here are the two embryos that were transferred into my body. Dustin and I assume that the top embryo is what is now the baby growing inside of my body since it is the larger one and was the better of the two embryos. However, we all know what happens when we assume... Not to mention the fact that the embryo did implant a little late, so who really knows. Whatever the case, one of these two embryos is the baby growing inside of me right now. Pretty cool, huh?

Chicago

I think it was probably not long before Taylor was born and the movie "Rudy" came on tv. Of course Dustin and I couldn't help but watch it and by the end I was in virtual convulsions from crying. But I told Dustin that if Utah ever had the opportunity to play Notre Dame that we were going to go watch them play. It was seriously within a week of my declaration when they announced that Utah was playing at Notre Dame in the 2010 season. So it had been decided long ago that we would be going to the game this past weekend. Although I don't know if I consider it a game when we didn't even really show up to play, but that's a whole other story for a whole other blog.

So I'm finally leaving Taylor for the first time since she was 3 months old. At that time I think neither she nor I cared that much when leaving each other, but this time was a little different. My mom and sister flew out so I knew she'd be in good hands and I needed it, but it wasn't until the last week when it dawned on me that I'd be leaving her. Well that all diminished the day before I left when my mom and I got food poisoning. I was so sick I don't even know how I got packed. I was puking 3 hours before getting on a plane, it was awful! I had been looking forward to this weekend away with Dustin for months and I could barely function. Not to mention I was leaving my sick mom with Taylor, but luckily my sister was flying in just a couple of hours after we left.

But despite all of that, it was a great weekend. Notre Dame was amazing. The campus was all it was cracked up to be and so much more. It was beautiful, the traditions were so fun and the fans were so nice! Thanks to Jennifer, I had some insights prior to going so that helped out a lot. Even though our team played horribly, just being there was so worth it. And all of the fans and security were saying how we'd brought more fans than any other away team they'd seen, so at least our fans showed up even if our team didn't.

Warning - Pictures are from Dustin's phone because the camera was one of the many things I neglected to pack....

Pictures can't even describe the beauty.

In front of the stadium

Dustin in front of Touchdown Jesus

Inside the stadium, trying to keep dry at times throughout the game

Dustin with his BFFs John and Mark. Dustin is such a good hubby. Most guys were there with their friends and dads, but poor Dustin had to bring his wife...

ND Band is like 10 times the size of our band and so much cooler... sorry Utes!

We just drove in for the game and stayed in Chicago. Dustin had made reservations at some great restaurants which we didn't even go to. Food was not on my priority list that weekend which is usually at the top of my priority list whenever we go to a new city or on vacation for that matter... oh well! I also packed the bare minimum and it ended up being colder than the weather forecast so I was a little cold, but it was still great. We saw the Lion King on Sunday, which Dustin hadn't seen before. I think it was better than he expected so that was a plus. It's definitely a city I would love to go back to when I'm feeling better, but I still was able to enjoy it and I love love loved it!

And as much as I love Tay and missed her it was just like old times just spending the weekend with my hubby. And when I got home, apparently Taylor didn't miss me. I love that she had fun with her Grandma and Aunt, but I think that there was a part of me that maybe was hoping she missed me just a little bit... oh well!

Yes... I think the paleness was still showing, even on Sunday...

Halloween Fun!

Another fabulous Halloween has come and gone. Taylor has come a little closer to getting it. Maybe she'll totally get it by next year. This post is packed with pics, but I'll try to keep things short. She has a new obsession with pumpkins and that only intensified after our trip to the pumpkin patch. She ran through the mini haystack maze, sat on the tractor...

measured up to the scarecrow...

took silly pics with daddy, and finally picked out her own little pumpkin. She would not put it down the rest of the day. She even took a nap with it later in the week! On the way home, I asked her if I could hold the pumpkin and she just said "mine, mine, mine". Wow! Apparently, that said it all!

Then we had to carve the pumpkins. I LOVE Halloween, but I HATE carving pumpkins. Dustin pretty much did it all, hence the reason they look good. The third one was supposed to be a SF Giants pumpkin, but it didn't quite work out, plus I think we were a little worn out from the other two and Tay had lost complete interest by that time.

We cannot get Taylor to look nor smile at the camera unless we tell her to say "cheese"... and then this is what we get. It's like one extreme or the other. Welcome to my world!
Our two carved pumpkins with Taylor's baby pumpkin, that she takes naps with. :)

Halloween turned into more like a 3-day weekend. Friday we went to Dustin's office for trick or treating. His office always does a big Halloween party so it was fun to see all of the crazy costumes. Of course I completely forgot to get pictures of all of us together. I'm always so bad about that!

Taylor and Landon. He is always so sweet to her, but I think all he really wants is his football back. :)

Taylor and Owen. He was Elmo and she just kept hugging the hood of his costume (which is Elmo's head). Maybe she should have been Elmo.

Then it was back home to pick up the chili and off to the Trunk or Treat.

Taylor and Charlotte hanging out in the trunk. Tay did take Charlotte's sucker from her a few times. And we wonder why our kids get sick??? Taylor wasn't really into the Trick or Treating, but she loved hanging out with the big girls and playing the games.

I know that Sunday was Halloween, but here in Utah, Saturday was the day for trick or treating, so we just went to a few houses during halftime of the Utah game. Dustin started getting a guilt complex for not taking out Taylor more. I told her he could take her out, but she really only enjoyed knocking on people's doors. Beyond that, the rest of it just didn't sink in. Why push it?

Then Sunday, Dustin's mom (Grandma TT) had a Halloween party and dinner at her house so once again we all got dressed up and went over there.

Dustin went a little lazier on the make-up Sunday, but he was a member of the Blue Man Group, and I of course was a cat. Taylor is obsessed with cats and since I am not a cat person and bless her heart we'll never have one, I thought she might have fun with me meowing at her, which she did.

Grandma TT with her Grandchildren

It was a fun evening. It was towards the end of the night. Taylor loves to go in her Grandparents room and either jump on the bed or trap herself in the shower. Chris (Grandma TT) was checking on her from time to time. Dustin was looking for her. He kind of let out a scream. My sister in law was concerned, I figured he was just playing with Taylor because he does that sort of thing, then I hear him yelling to me to come here right now. We go into the bathroom. Taylor has been turning on the jetted tub hot water nonetheless, not sure how it's not scalding how, getting in the tub and then pulling in her papa's laundry into the tub with her. Apparently, it looked like fun to Mia so she jumped in there with her. Dustin starts getting mad at her and she has a bar of soap in her hand and apparently just offers him some soap. She is splashing around in the tub, soaking wet from head to toe! I was laughing so hard I couldn't even stand up straight.

The guilty parties...

As we're taking off their wet clothes, Savanna asks Mia why she got into the tub because she shouldn't do that without mommy around her reply "to get warm". Unfortunately Taylor doesn't talk enough for us to ask her. I would've loved to hear her response since I KNOW she was the instigator in all of this. When Taylor was taking our stuff to the car and they were putting Mia in the car he asked Mia if she liked taking tubs with Taylor and her reply was "that was funny!" The story doesn't do it justice, but at just over 2 years old, I have a feeling we have a real menace to society on our hands and I may have to do a lot of apologizing to my sister in laws and friend's of Taylor's moms. Beware!

Beyond that... exciting week!

Monday - Giants clench the World Series! So fun after we watched them give it away in '02. My parents are big fans so I grew up watching them, especially my mom who used to listen to the games on the radio when she couldn't watch the game on TV. So exciting and nobody gave them a chance... loved it!!!

Tuesday - Election night! Popping up some popcorn and then going to sit back and watch the show.

Saturday - Game Day returns to Salt Lake; Utah takes on TCU. No idea if they can actually pull it out, but they have a chance and it will be an awesome game AND my mom comes into town.

What a week! I don't think I could ask for much more than this!!!